


Awake

by akatsuki_tsukiyomi (Yumi25Nakashima)



Series: First Blush [17]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, CountryHumans - Freeform, Drama & Romance, F/M, Flowers, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Language of Flowers, Post-War, Reader-Insert, Romance, Songfic, Terminal Illnesses, Tragic Romance, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yumi25Nakashima/pseuds/akatsuki_tsukiyomi
Summary: And if it's a hero you want,I can save you.Just stay here.
Relationships: Prussia (Hetalia)/Reader
Series: First Blush [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089500
Kudos: 2





	Awake

**Author's Note:**

> (F/N) - Reader's First Name  
> (L/N) - Reader's Last Name  
> (C/N) - Country's Name  
> Gilbert Beilschmidt - Prussia's official human name
> 
> The featured song is 'Awake' by Secondhand Serenade.

_With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,_ **  
**

Gilbert got out of the car, jogging quickly to the passenger's side and opening the door. He gingerly picked up the bouquet of flowers that he had wrapped and pushed the car door closed with his shoulder. It definitely wasn't the work of a professional, but he knew she'd like it because he had made it.

She always liked everything he did for a reason he could never know.

_I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do._

The bouquet comprised of anemones, blue bellflowers, red and purple tulips, and yellow roses. It was an odd bunch, he would admit, and even Netherlands had given him a weird look when he had placed the order, but it was the only bouquet he would ever give her.

_  
You're an angel disguised._

He walked down the grass leisurely. The wind was blowing just as casually, and he liked it that way. He liked the way it made the grass dance softly to its tune and the way it would make the leaves of the trees rustle pleasantly. It made everything so peaceful. So different from years before. So different from the clashing of swords, the cacophony of cannons and artillery, the screams of the dying. It was so different.

Gilbert opened his eyes, not remembering that he closed them, and pulled himself from his thoughts. No, he was not there to reminisce on the past. At least, not the darkness of it. He was there to remember the beauty of it. The beauty of _her_.

Once he was in front of (F/n)'s headstone, he knelt on one knee, placing the flowers on the grass and gently caressed the engravings on the slab of marble.

_'(F/n) (L/n)  
Once met, never forgotten...  
_ _1529-1866_ _  
_ _Today she dances with angels'_

A small, bitter smile graced his lips as melancholy swam in the depths of his crimson eyes.

 _"Hallo, mein schatz_." **Hello, my treasure** The Prussian took a seat in front of the marble tombstone, making himself comfortable, and looked up to the sky. He could never will himself to look at those engraved words for more than a few minutes, no matter how much he had tried. The pain got too unbearable.

"Today, West and I went fishing. I obviously caught more than him, _kesesesesese_ ," he laughed, squinting at the bright sky. "We ended up dumping them back in the water though because Veneziano told us so. He said it vas better to set them free. Anyway, I had to drive them back home and I also helped West clean up the house. You see, the Italian brothers slept there and everything was everywhere and it seriously looked like hell. But since I am the most awesome big brother, I helped him out and it vas squeaky clean in no time!"

_And you're lying real still, but your heart beat is fast just like mine._

He laughed proudly again before his bravado dissipated. "You know, West really adores you."

_  
_ _And the movie's long over, that's three that have passed, one more's fine._ _  
_

He looked away from the blue sky and down at his lap as he fiddled his hands. He could hear the faint sounds of weapons striking each other, weapons striking flesh, the blood-curdling screams, the battle-cries of warriors; it was all coming back to him, and he could see his hands starting to visibly shake. He gripped one gloved hand with the other, commanding himself internally to stop, and he managed to make the trembling subside.

But that was only the first wave of the all-too-familiar onslaught of memories that was ready to devour him.

**\---**

**_Years ago (January 20, 1866)_ **

Gilbert sat solemnly beside (F/n)'s bed. She had been sick for weeks now, and she was only getting worse. He was looking down at his lap when the rustling of the sheets caught his attention. He looked up to see (F/n) struggling to sit up. He immediately got on his feet, positioning her pillows so that she would be leaning against them and gently let her weight fall on them.

"That's it. Nice and easy, _liebe_." **Love** She let out a hoarse cough once he had settled back on his chair and followed it with a strained sigh. "I'm sorry."

Gilbert's brows furrowed as he looked at her in a mixture of confusion and concern. "It's just that I'm feeling like such a bur—"

 _"Nein_. Do not even finish that sentence _fraülein_ ," **no, young lady** he warned gently, giving her a look. "We have talked about this. You are no burden and you never will be. Not to me."

At his firm statement, (F/n) simply gave up the fight, knowing it was futile. It would only agitate him even more if she pulled at that thread.

_Will you stay awake for me?_

The war had been good for him, but not for her. (F/n)'s small country had taken part in the conflict, only to keep the nation from the ruthless invaders, but had failed. Her people had been captured, and their sole ruler had been executed. Her country was in ruins after the war. Almost half of the land was wiped out in the enemy's attack, and the ones that survived were starting a pointless riot and wreaking havoc. Because of the turmoil, (F/n) had fallen sick and was struggling day-by-day to get by.

_I don't wanna miss anything_

The people of (country) who were not unleashing chaos were being plagued with illness while the rest starved. The neighbouring countries had tried to come to their aid, but they too had suffered their own loss at the war and they were (quite reasonably) prioritizing to get their country on its feet before trying to help others in need.

"It's just so sad, Gil," (F/n) said as her eyes pricked with tears. "After we've finally managed to get out of that war, I thought, I thought things would be better. I thought that my country would be able to be united again. But the war's gotten to them too, hasn't it? It's gotten to them like it's gotten to every single one of us involved. It's gotten their minds in a disarray, and instead of standing together, they turn their backs against each other when their real enemies are the ones who've caused their downfall. They turn their backs on their allies, their countrymen."

_I don't wanna miss anything, I will share the air I breathe,_

The despondent girl hung her head, crestfallen. The war was not completely over and she knew that when the last aftershocks of its effects had subsided, her people would be taken away and sold as slaves to the 'victors' of the bloodshed. The country of (c/n) would cease to exist. _She_ would cease to exist. Just a distant, fading memory. Both she and Gilbert knew that, and it crushed them both.

_  
I'll give you my heart on a string, I just don't wanna miss anything._

The light-haired man held her hand in his, pressing a soft kiss on her knuckles and stroking the back of her hand. He had wanted to console her and possibly uplift her mood, but his act of comfort only seemed to break down the dam of tears she was holding in as she pulled her hand away and sobbed into her palms, the gravity of her situation dawning upon her once again. She was _dying_.

He shifted the wooden chair he had been sitting on towards the edge of her bed. Gilbert held her in his arms, shushing her and whispering words of solace and sympathy, even as his own tears started leaking from his eyes and even as he stuttered his words as light hiccups interrupted his speech.

"Don't cry, _mein schatz_. You are still here, you are still with me, _ja_?" **Yes** He stroked her head softly, pulling away from their embrace to look her in the eye and tuck her hair behind her ears. Her tears steadily fell and cascaded down her cheeks. "Gil, I'm so scared. I'm so, so scared."

" _Nein_ , don't be like that. Just think about the good times, _ja_? How about, how about that time we went swimming in the river? Isn't that the time you were teaching West and I how to fish? Do you remember _liebe_? He could barely hold the rod and he almost got dragged into the water. (F/n), _liebling_ , look at me." **Darling**

(F/n) continued sniffling, avoiding his eyes and mumbling. "I'm so scared, Gilbert. I don't want to go. I, I don't want to go."

_I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,_

The said man furrowed his eyes, swallowing down the lump that had been forming in his throat and held her hands tightly. She was cold. He pressed his lips against the back of her hand, alternating between one and the other as he continued his attempts to try and distract her.

_But I'm feeling alive and with every breath that I take,_

She only responded by stubbornly ignoring his words, letting them fall on deaf ears as she snivelled and whimpered in woe.

Gilbert finally gave up, breaking down into sobs of his own as he pleaded and begged with her to not give up. She had to keep fighting. She had to stay.

_  
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival._

"You, you can't do this to me, _liebe_. You can't say that. _Please_ don't say that. I'm scared too. I'm so afraid, (F/n). I don't want you to go. Don't. _Ich bitte dich, tu es nicht._ " **I ask you, do not do it**

_And if it's a hero you want, I can save you. Just stay here._ **  
**

Her demeanour finally softened and her tears stopped. She looked at her lover with sad eyes. "I'm so scared. I'm terrified of dying, of leaving you behind. I don't want you to go through life alone, Gil. I don't want you to be alone in this world. I want to stay, truly I do. But I can feel that my time is near; I can feel that every second that ticks by is every second gone. It's already killing me to think that we have to be apart."

_  
Your whispers are priceless. Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near._

Gilbert looked away from her brilliant (e/c) eyes and down at his lap then at the tear-stained sheets. He calmed himself down and furiously scrubbed his cheeks to get rid of his tears.

He looked up at her and managed to break out into his trademark grin. "If _mein fräulein_ is going to slumber for eternity, I'd rather she see me as handsome as can be."

A smile tugged at (F/n)'s lips and she let out a chuckle. That was so like him. She gestured for him to come closer and he did. She slipped her hand in his as she softly pressed their lips together. They cried as they kissed, but it was silent tears. Tears so full of sorrow, yet a kiss so full of love. Both of them pull away, smiling, but tears still spilling from their bloodshot eyes.

_Will you stay awake for me?_

(F/n)'s grip on Gilbert's hand faltered, and he tightened his hold. He leaned his head against her shoulder.

"I love you. _Ich liebe dich, mein engel, mein liebe, mein schatz._ " **I love you, my angel, my love, my treasure**

(F/n) smiled as she listened, easing his head off her shoulder as she leant back on her pillows and stared up at the ceiling. She gave one last squeeze of his hand before she closed her eyes. " _Ich liebe dich, mein herz_. Live, for me." **I love you, my heart**

_I don't wanna miss anything, I will share the air I breathe,_

When her hand fell limp in his grasp, Gilbert's walls came crashing down and he started sobbing again, louder and harder than before. He was practically howling in grief as he trembled, cradling his beloved's hand and pressing her palm against his cheek, just as she had done.

_I'll give you my heart on a string,I just don't wanna miss anything_

No, she can't be gone. This wasn't real. No. it was all just a bad dream. A really bad dream. But he would wake up, wouldn't he? He'd wake up from this nightmare, and he'd be in bed with (F/n). The morning sunlight would stream in through the windows, and she would smile as she'd see him look at her. And she would whisper sweet nothings as he held her in his arms again; he would listen to the sweet melody that was her laugh again; he would tell her he loved her and she would tell him that she loved him. Again. One more time. Just once more.

_Say my name. I just want to hear you._

He wanted to hear her voice again; to feel her warm skin against his; to see her beautiful smile. He wanted her alive.

Moments that felt like an eternity passed until the door slowly creaked open. Gilbert didn't hear it. He was still crying, still sobbing, still weeping. A child with blond locks peeked from the doorway and stumbled inside once he saw his older brother crying. The young boy walked up to where Gilbert sat and watched as the older man continued shedding tears, kissing (F/n)'s hand, and pleading (almost incoherently) for her to come back. Ludwig observed in confused silence. Why was Prussia so sad? Why wasn't (C/n) waking up?

_Say my name. So I know it's true.  
_

He couldn't understand what was wrong, but he knew something was not right. He stepped closer to his brother and gently placed a small hand on Gilbert's back, patting him. The said man looked up and at Ludwig, sniffling. He let go of his lover's hand and instead pulled the little one into his arms and hugged him tightly. His tears no longer fell, but the pain was still there. He held his brother in his arms as he tried to let go of (F/n). That's what she would've wanted. No tears.

_You're changing me. You're changing me._

_You showed me how to live. So just say. So just say,_

He decided, on that moment as he held his younger brother close, he would do what she had wanted. He would live, for her.

_That you'll stay awake for me._

**\---**

**Present-day**

Gilbert smiled softly at the distant memory. It was so many years ago, yet he could still remember it almost as clear as day. It was an odd thing to remember, and he had often wondered why he had remembered (F/n)'s death more clearly than he remembered her life, but that was a question he'd always left unanswered. At least he hadn't forgotten. At least she still lived, even if it was only in his memory.

_I don't wanna miss anything._

"You know, that day. When you... When you left, it's probably my least proud moment as a big brother. I let West see me at my lowest. At least he was too young to remember, _kesesesesese_. At least, I hope he has forgotten that. I don't want him to remember." He pinned his gaze to the flowers he had placed on her grave.

_I don't wanna miss anything._

"He probably doesn't even remember how your voice sounded like, but it's great that he still loves you either way. Even though he's only heard stories about you because he was too young to remember the times we've spent together, he still adores you."

_I will share the air I breathe,_

Gilbert smiled, happily this time and reached into the inside pocket of his uniform. He pulled out a folded piece of paper and plucked out several flattened blue cornflowers from it. "I found this growing in the garden," he said as he placed the small blossoms into the handmade bouquet.

_I'll give you my heart on a string,_

He pulled out a single white candle, lit it, and let the wax drip onto the marble tile before he placed the burning candle down firmly.

_I_ _just don't wanna miss anything_

"I miss you always," he whispered to the wind before he stood and walked away. "And I can't wait to see you again _. Ich liebe dich, mein herz._ "

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot was tricky, to say the least. It's my first time having to do a Country! Reader and I have avoided it so far, but I guess my luck ran out lmao. Anyway, please keep in mind that in making this, I barely had any knowledge about past countries, empires, and all that stuff, so there may be (a lot) of errors and inconsistencies but I do beg you to ignore that (for the sake of plot convenience).
> 
> The country that the reader was would not be specified because I feel like I would add more mistakes if I tried jumping into the whirlpool that is past countries.
> 
> This was originally published in Wattpad on May 2, 2018.


End file.
